Suspicion confirmed! (Trip report inside)

This is going to be my first Gibraltarian blog post while the outside temperature is about 4,788 degrees Celcius. I really want to write down some funny stories from my epic trip to Gib as my last few entries been somewhat meh.

Fml the first part of the trip was so boring that I haven’t even got a single funny encounter to write about. Last time I posted I left the flat and headed to the Port of Tyne. Well, up on the ferry, to the bar, two pints slip in, go to bed, wake up, off the ferry in Amsterdam, 7 h drive, home. I was only supprised that I didn’t get checked by the police leaving drug land (NE) in my rundown Saxo packed with shit. If they’d stopped me and said “please unpack your car. General drug check.” I would as usual have puked directly in their face. Didn’t happen. Boring.

At home I packed the stuff from the Saxo in my Mum’s Focus as she was friendly enough to give me her car for the trip. Ship the AirCon! Next morning saw me leaving towards Gibraltar. First of all through the whole lot of Germany. Fucking German's favourite hobby is driving, which means that the full motorways didn’t make for a pleasant journey.

Heidi: Hey Fritz sweetheart what are we gonna do today? Going to the beach? For a long walk? Sit in the park? Go for a drink? Meet friends? huh?

Fritz: How about driving up and down our motorways till our tyres have completely disappeared?

Heidi: Oh yes Fritz, you always know exactly what the deepest possible satisfaction is for me. I love you!


Germans. lol.

The Polish btw do the same. Only problem is that they do not have speed-limit-free motorways with 3 lanes. So they come to Germany to drive up and down the motorways, enjoying their favourite hobby together.

Arrrgh

After Germany the trip was expected to get interesting as I was going to go through the whole lot of France. Before the trip four rumours occured and had to be confirmed or destroyed.

Rumour 1: France is one of the most beautiful countries in the world!

I can confirm this. The countryside is quite inspiring and impressive. Why did we give that back in 1944?

Rumour 2: There might be French living in that country!

Sad but true. Nothing else to add.

Rumour 3: French people are different!

Again, true. When the sun goes down they are sitting at the side of the roads looking like zombies and waiting for a few frogs trying to cross the street, just so they could eat them alive. Was quite scary to witness.

Rumour 4: The French besides the English are the only other folk in Europe who do not speak any other language than their own.

Well I don’t know it of all European countries but for the French it is (I’m afraid) true again. Midnight I arrived in a place called Moullins and with the help of the SatNav managed to find a so called “Formule 1 Hotel” which in France is a chain of cheap road hotels. Of course the receptionist did only speak french and after about 14h in the car almost made me puke in his face.

“FOR FUCKS SAKE MATE, I DO NOT SPEAK A FUCKING WORD OF FRENCH! DEUTSCH; ENGLISH; ESPANOL. I ONLY WANT A FUCKING SINGLE ROOM FOR ONE FUCKING NIGHT”

Receptionist: shum lu plum le po le dans me plubilibab de bib de blub?

AAAAAARGH

After 30 mins I got a room without a shower or toilet. FML.

Unwashed and without a morning shit I went on. Oh, btw I decided not pay the horrendous road tolls France is asking for and went the whole way on the toll free roads which was the reason for seeing so much of the countryside. Haha, you don’t get my money you french people!

The rest of the trip was an absolute pleasure and was superb driving by me. No blocked roads in France or Spain. Was loving it. In Spain I went for the toll road which came as a bargain of about €70 from the very top to the very bottom. FML. (I am really starting to love the abbreviation)

Had a 2.5h kip in between and arrived in Gibraltar 9:30 this morning. Well done Hannes! Met with a lady from the company and she moved me into the flat. City centre. All new. AirCon. All good. I settled in and sorted my clothes out. Skype’d with the gf and then thought I’ll go for a walk and get myself 200 cigarettes for 9.90. Yes, not even a quid for a pack! I am going to polute the environment even worse than Middlesborough and Stockton together! Suddenly I recognised that it is fucking hot and I am terribly prepared for the bank holiday in Gibraltar tomorrow. Making my way to Morrisons and getting:

The most expensive anti-transpirant deodorant armpit roll on thingy
The most expensive normal deodorant
Sun loction - protection factor 40 – (I just realise that it is already to late. FML. Ouch)
Shaving Gel
Pasta
6 pack Beck’s (not Beck’s Vier)
2 Bulmers

I should be sorted. I am so not used to this climate that I am sitting in boxers in the flat although its got aircon. Already changed the boxers 3 times today as well. But I didn’t do that the last two days so I guess it’s ok.

30 Pound FO in my new local Casino tonight followed up by my first cash session as a local.
4 Weeks of free grinding while the gf is still in England. Hopefully I can buy the much wanted cabriolet after that. I guess the challenge for the next 4 weeks is called “the busto or convertible challenge” lol. I am taking bets if you can make a good suggestion for some odds.

Personally I think this was a relatively amusing post so I very much hope it at least made you smile once. If it did, let me know please.

Sorry for the spelling. The spell check doesn’t work for some reason.

Wish me good luck for tonight.

Gibraltarhans