2 Folds

So many years have gone by, so many I have spent loving what I am doing. Poker used to be a minor part in my life. I never played big stakes, big names or big locations. I ground my way up from the smallest games on Stars to the NL200 within about 200.000 hands. I always was a live player. I always was a person that found fold equity in good spots and had enough balls to use and the either way around I always made people think they had fold equity when they didn't.

A high variance game was always how I approached every hand. I always thought about "how can I win this pot". I was shown full houses when I called with A-high in polarized situations and showed bottom pairs ftw in spots when my opponent missed. I earned "wow"s for sick winning calls and "donkey" for sick losing calls.

I always loved this game. I always played it fearless. My nickname became "4-bet-light" locally.

I always loved this game.

I ran into a series of bad play, incidents and run-bad, but dominantly bad play. I have lost the spirit for the game that I had a 3 months ago.

When I was staked I had the aim to make my profit for me and the staker. I knew what I was doing at the table. Since paying off my staking deal, I wasn't working towards anything anymore.

Since that I am forgetting to look at my opponents stack sizes, giving myself fold equity where I have basically non and am unable to set myself a stop loss limit.

Currently I am one of the biggest fish in the game because I am doing almost everything wrong. I am moving in against pot committed people, Fold against the "any2"s, etc. Looking at my results since the staking and now after the staking makes me sad. As long as I was not playing my money and was willing to proof that I am a good investment, I was playing some incredibly great poker. Playing with my own money I am a spew-monkey-level-donk-idiot-gay-fuckhole-tart.

I have no idea how to turn things around. I have no idea which rules I can set myself?

There's a weird character in me. Way too much emotionality mixed with some skills that are essential for that game.

Why am I writing this whiny bullshit? You guessed it. I again almost broke. What's even worse: I managed to outplay a table full of regs tonight. Getting folds PF from QQ. Making a straight fold, etc.. All of this to lose my 600 GBP profit against the same player who I know that he always owns me and always makes me what he wants me to do.

I think I have to change something. I don't know what. I used to be the biggest winner in my regular game by far. By miles. Now, I am just donating.

What do I want to do with Poker? I breath this game. I spend about 80 hours a week with the game. I just don't want to be miserable anymore! I am not at all depending on the money.

You guessed it, I am almost broke again. Approx. 500 left (from 7.6k atone point). I paid back my staking deal and I am proud of that.

I can only wish you some proper good luck/lick. I may be off this surface. There is a fair chance that this may be my last blog post.

I love my girlfriend. To the end. It was a good trip going with you guys.

Live is fun and...fun is not Poker.


Hannes "4-bet-light" Hanusch